Funny story. Well, at least to me. I am driving in to work this morning and notice that the little beat up Ford Ranger in front of me (in the fast lane) is not only going about 10 miles under the posted speed limit, but the driver looks to be texting. Alright, whatever. I don’t want to be anywhere near this guy when he pile drives into a tree or the car in front/beside him, so I pop on my turn signal to pass him on the right (in the slow lane, where his happy ass should have been. Actually, he should have NOT been driving while texting. Pick one or the other people!) As I start to go around him, he looks up and realizes that I am passing him and am about to get back in the fast lane, in front of him (horror of horrors!). Now, I may be guilty of speeding from time to time (ahem), but I always use my turn signals, and I always make sure that I can see both headlights of the car behind me in my rear view before I get over. (Learned that in speeder’s class. Call me overly cautious.) Anyway…. As I am watching my rear view I see this guy completely lose his mind. He is flipping me off, jerking his steering wheel back and forth which is causing him to weave all over the place and I can hear his tired old engine wheezing its death rattle as he mashes down frantically on his gas pedal trying to catch up . Of course after about a mile of his tired attempts to go around me, (I may have engaged in a teeny bit of competitive speeding.) the car in front of me and the car in the slow lane to the right (they weren’t letting him in either), we hit a red light. At the red light, Mr. Ford Ranger decides that he is going to proceed into the left hand turning lane. Not to turn left but to roll his windows down (and I mean roll, as in hand crank in a very aggressive and awkward manner) to yell “Stupid bitch!” out of his window and to try to angle his piece of shit car aggressively at the front of my car. Me, being such an even tempered sort (Snort. This is sarcasm.) decide to really get the guys goat, so I wave happily at him and yell back “Hi, Mike! Long time no see!”. (I have no idea why I said Mike. Monosyllabic seemed to fit the situation, I guess.) Which completely befuddles the big, blathering baboon’s ass long enough for the light to flip green and I can hit the gas and get the hell out of there. Which should have been the end of it. Didn’t I mention he was a baboon’s ass?
He of course decides that he isn’t done teaching me, the “stupid bitch” a lesson, so attempts to whip his truck back into traffic and out of the left turn lane, and almost side swipes the motorcycle cop that has been two cars behind me at the light the whole time.
I believe that Mr. Ford Ranger-Douche-Bag-Road-Rager-Baboon’s-Ass was probably very late to work this morning. I guess that he could take a few lessons out of today, instead of what he thought he could “learn me”.
1. Don’t text and drive.
2. Especially not in the fast lane and under the speed limit.
3. If you have that compulsory need to be first at each stoplight, then pay attention and at least do the damn speed limit.
4. Have a sense of humor for Pete’s sake. It is only traffic. Who cares who gets to the light first?
5. If you do care who gets to the light first, then have a faster ride than the “Stupid Bitch” that zips around you with ease.
6. Pay attention to your surroundings. You just never know who could be watching your asinine antics.
Who’s a stupid bitch now?