Today’s assignment: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.
I used to be a complete and total Daddy’s girl. Growing up I thought he could do no wrong, and everything he said was God’s truth. As I started to go to school I started to question his basic philosophy on life. It seemed that each year I learned more about the world around me, the less I liked the world that my parents lived in.
I would not say that he is an evil man, and I understand that no person is perfect. Generally speaking we are all the sum total of our faults and virtues- that is what makes us each unique. Up until this last year I would have said that I love my father, regardless of all of his faults. Which many of them started to bump against my own moral code before I moved away from home.
Unfortunately as my children which would be his grandchildren, grew I had to start monitoring time spent with my father. It is really difficult to try to explain to children why “hate” is wrong. For some reason as my father aged he became increasingly angry at the world, and started to do many things that I just could not condone. Many, many times over the years he crossed lines that he shouldn’t have. Claiming innocence, or that I had misinterpreted things that were said or done. Many, many times these instances were forgiven. Slights forgotten.
Then my oldest son turned 18, and decided to leave my home and stay with his grandparents. Somehow his moral compass has been compromised, and I have become the enemy. Suffice it to say, my father has finally crossed a line that I can’t forgive him for. I wish that I could turn back the hand of time, and move out of state (and his reach) before he was able to taint my child. Go back to the time when I didn’t know him as well as I do now, so that I could still love him within the illusion that was my parentage. But, I can’t. And it is heart breaking. How any parent could ever purposely distort their grandchild’s view and turn them against their parents is beyond me. Yes, I know my child is 18, and able to make his own decisions. However, when that same child still idolizes that person, it blinds them to the many faults and disparities in their character. I should know, I was there not that long ago.