Growing up I was about as tough as they came. My Dad would always call me his “little soldier”, and woe unto anyone dumb enough to attack (verbally or physically) either me or my family. I had an acerbic and somewhat lethal tongue (once unleashed), a nasty temper, and high pain tolerance. To say it was rare for anyone or anything to make me cry would be an understatement.
Then I got married…The first chink in the proverbial armor. Married a nice and laid back guy that made me feel safe and that I could maybe trust (a little bit) to not fail me (and maybe see the real me). Then with each pregnancy that little chink went from a teeny-weeny microscopic opening to a full blown black hole of swirling emotion. The walls I had built around myself for protection were slowly crumbling around me, and I had no idea how to rebuild them. Or, more importantly if I even wanted to.
As my family grew, I learned just what it meant to unconditionally love another person, learned by example from my children and my husband. Scared me brainless- but made me a better person. A much more “emotionally available” person, which is still a complete and total trip to me. I had never known that I had lacked so much character on the inside until I was able to completely experience another life. One without violence, hatred, fear and anger ruling the environment.
Fast forward a few years and I can’t even watch a Disney movie without blubbering. The Biggest Loser equates in “The Biggest Crier” every single time I watch it. It is crazy. I have heard it is hormonal. Which would make sense, as I am coming up (hard and fast) on 40, and that is (OH JOY!) when most women start perimenopause. YAHOO.
Let’s not get into the temper snaps. Those are much more rare these days, but they are quick and mean. At least now (most days) I can feel them coming on, and can go “run off some of the crazy” before it bubbles over and spews all over my family.
Sorry honey, I have a feeling this (peri-menopause) will be a bumpy and insane filled ride through menopause. I promise to try to not be as crazy as my Mother, if you promise to not have me committed.