This week I have been SO tired and lethargic, that I have done the unthinkable (At least for me). I have rejected the hubby’s amorous advances several times in the ol’ boudoir. Sacrificing time together for snooze time. Once upon a time we couldn’t get enough of each other. Tired, sweaty, dirty- it did not matter. Sometimes, I can be a bit dense and it will take me a minute (or five days- tomato, tomatoe) to realize that I have not been a good spousal unit.
I am not saying that everything about marriage boils down to sex, but without that shared intimacy one can start to disconnect from the other. Which of course I don’t want- and boy howdy, if the shoe were on the other foot, I definitely would not be as nice about it as he is. Needless to say, I have some making up to do, as I have been a “Class A Shit”. Anytime he turns ME down, you better believe he hears about it. Endlessly. What can I say? He has more class than I do. Guess that is why things like “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” are borne. Not men, but women. Not to say that men’s feelings aren’t hurt as well over such things, but I think many internalize it more….But I digress.
I guess the moral of this story is this: Try to remember who you want to be in your relationship, and take the time to rekindle the flame from time to time. It is also a good idea to make sure that one or the other of you isn’t expecting the other to carry the entire romantic “burden” all the time.
Why do I choose the word “burden” for romance, you ask? Well, in the beginning so much is easy. The constant cuddling, not wanting to be away from each other at all, not being able to get enough of each other in every way- the simple act of taking the time to plan a romantic get-away, or a thoughtful date was as easy as breathing. Fast forward a decade or two, and those once-so-easy things are a bit more difficult to manage. Between kid care, work, laundry, basic home upkeep and the day to day mess of just living, sometimes the sparks start to fall to the wayside. Or worse, you expect the other to initiate everything and always. Which can lead to resentment for both parties.
Then sometimes, just sometimes all you want is SPACE. From EVERYONE.
However, if both of you take the time to look back and remember what you WERE and connect that young lover with the more mature one you are now, love can still go from fizzle to sizzle, and intimacy doesn’t have to be sacrificed for sleep. Just my two cents.
It would seem that I am not the only one out there with this issue. This is a great article, and very well said: